How to Handle Overly Emotional or Crying Kids: A Gentle Parenting Guide
Parenting an overly emotional or crying child can feel like trying to stay calm in a whirlwind.
The loud cries, the tears streaming down their little face, the sometimes seemingly irrational frustrations—it’s enough to make even the most patient parent feel drained and defeated.
You might find yourself oscillating between compassion and frustration, wondering why they can’t just calm down or why you’re struggling to keep your cool.
First, let’s acknowledge how deeply challenging this can be for you.
As a parent, you may feel helpless, judged, judging yourself, or even ashamed when your child is emotional in public.
You might fear you’re not doing enough or question if you’re handling it “right.”
These feelings are valid and deserve compassion, too. So please do that for yourself.
Let’s explore why these moments are not only hard but also incredibly valuable, both for your child and for you as a parent.
The Developmental Stage: Why Big Emotions Happen
Children’s emotional outbursts often feel disproportionate to the situation, but they are entirely normal.
When your child loses their favourite toy or you offer the wrong snack, it can result in tears, yelling, or dramatic reactions.
To you, it might seem trivial.
To your child, it’s the end of the world. Why? Because they don’t yet have the tools or brain development to regulate their emotions.
The prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation—develops slowly.
It won’t be fully matured until your child reaches their mid-twenties.
Before then, your child relies on the more primitive parts of their brain, like the amygdala, which handles fight-or-flight responses.
This explains why emotions can feel overwhelming to them and why they need help navigating their feelings.
This is where your role as a parent becomes crucial.
When you stay calm and guide them through these moments, you’re helping to “co-regulate” their emotions, acting as an external prefrontal cortex until they can develop their own internal one.
The Bigger Picture: Emotional Regulation and Future Success
Teaching your child how to process emotions isn’t just about managing tantrums or tears in the moment—it’s about preparing them for life.
Emotional regulation is one of the most critical skills a person can develop.
It’s the foundation for healthy relationships, effective communication, and the ability to navigate stress and challenges.
A child who learns that emotions are normal and manageable is less likely to suppress their feelings or act out aggressively when overwhelmed.
Instead, they’ll grow into an adult who can:
Communicate their needs clearly without fear of judgment.
Handle rejection, failure, or setbacks without becoming paralyzed by them.
Empathize with others, leading to deeper connections in relationships.
By validating your child’s emotions now, you’re teaching them that their feelings matter, and this sense of self-worth will carry them far in life.
The Parent’s Journey: Building Your Own Resilience
Here’s a hard truth: your child’s emotional outbursts might trigger unresolved emotions within you.
Perhaps you were taught as a child to “toughen up” or that crying was a sign of weakness.
These ingrained messages can resurface, making it difficult to respond calmly when your child is upset.
But here’s the good news—parenting is a two-way street for growth.
To teach resilience, you must build it within yourself.
Start by reflecting on your own relationship with emotions:
What triggers you? Pay attention to what brings up feelings of anger, guilt, or helplessness during your child’s meltdowns.
What are your default responses? Do you tend to yell, withdraw, or shut down? Identifying these patterns is the first step toward changing them.
Once you’ve identified your triggers, practice techniques to reset your nervous system. For example:
Take deep, slow breaths to calm your body.
Step away for a moment (safely) if you need to regain composure.
Use self-talk, such as, “I can handle this. My child needs me to be calm.”
Do not deny yourself your emotions. Maybe put them on hold why you focus on your child. Then address them - by accepting them. And being curious as to why you felt that way .
The more you model emotional regulation, the more your child will internalise these strategies.
They learn through observation as much as instruction, and seeing you manage your emotions teaches them that it’s possible to do so.
The Heart of Parenting: Emotional Growth as a Goal
The ultimate goal of parenting isn’t perfection—it’s connection.
When you prioritise helping your child understand and regulate their emotions, you’re building a foundation of trust and security that will benefit your relationship for years to come.
Gentle parenting and positive parenting philosophies emphasise this connection.
Instead of punishing a child for being upset, they encourage you to:
Validate their feelings by acknowledging them.
Guide them through the process of calming down.
Teach them that emotions are a normal part of life, not something to fear or suppress.
And you learn to do this for yourself too!
(Which may not have happened for you in your childhood).
Consider the difference between saying, “Stop crying—it’s not a big deal,” and, “I see that you’re really upset. It’s okay to feel sad. I’m here with you.”
The first response dismisses the child’s feelings, while the second builds emotional safety and trust.
Practical Strategies for Managing Emotional Moments
1. Acknowledge and Validate Feelings
Instead of trying to fix the situation immediately, start with empathy. Say, “You’re really upset right now because your toy is broken. That’s hard.” This helps your child feel seen and understood, which often de-escalates the situation.
2. Stay Calm and Regulate Yourself
Your calm presence can soothe your child. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, use techniques like deep breathing or grounding phrases to steady yourself.
3. Offer Choices
When appropriate, empower your child by offering choices. “Would you like to sit on the couch or in your room while we calm down?” Giving them control over small decisions can help them feel less powerless.
4. Teach Emotional Literacy
Help your child name their feelings. Use phrases like, “It looks like you’re feeling angry or frustrated. Is that right?” Naming emotions makes them less overwhelming and helps your child develop emotional vocabulary.
5. Introduce Calming Tools
Experiment with techniques like deep breathing, counting, or using a sensory object (like a stress ball) to help your child find their calm. Over time, they’ll learn to use these tools independently.
6. Reflect and Problem-Solve Later
Once emotions have subsided, revisit the situation. Ask questions like, “What happened earlier? How were you feeling? What could we do differently next time?” This helps your child connect the dots between feelings and actions.
Fostering Emotional Strength in the Long Run
Resilience isn’t built overnight, for either you or your child.
It’s a gradual process of learning, practicing, and growing together.
By staying committed to gentle and positive parenting approaches, you’re creating an environment where emotions are seen as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles to overcome.
In these moments of connection, you’re not just helping your child learn to handle their emotions—you’re teaching them that they are loved and accepted, no matter what they’re feeling.
This unconditional support is the cornerstone of emotional resilience, and it’s one of the most important gifts you can give as a parent.
Take heart in knowing that every time you guide your child through an emotional storm with patience and love, you’re shaping a brighter, more emotionally secure future for both of you.
It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
And in those quiet moments after the tears have dried, you’ll see the strength and growth that comes from navigating these challenges together.
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